MY TW0 CENTS

MICHEL TESTER

A Forgotten Art?

   Is the act of listening a forgotten art? I don’t know about you, but I’m sadly starting to think listening has gone by the wayside. There are times when I am having a conversation with someone and wondering to myself: Are they even listening to me? To be perfectly honest, this happens more often than I’d like.

Is the skill or art of listening fading away because of living in today’s fast-paced, high-tech world? I believe so, yet I don’t think it’s solely due to digital distractions. I’ve been observing it for years. Maybe it’s just getting worse. It seems that the constant barrage of information overload has left people more eager to express their thoughts than to absorb those of others. To me, it feels like we are living in a time where everyone is talking but very few are listening. What often passes for listening is simply one person pausing to collect their thoughts for what they are going to say next. They are simply waiting for their turn to speak, and not truly focusing and listening to what the other person is saying at all. Active listening requires full concentration, understanding, responding, and remembering what another person is saying.

 I remember back when I started dating my husband. His mother had a best friend who lived a few houses down from her, so they spent a lot of time in each other’s houses. I recall many times going over to my husband’s house, and his mom and best friend would be in the kitchen talking…at the same time. Full-blown conversations happening simultaneously. What I was thinking: How are they even listening to each other?

Are people so wrapped up in themselves that they value what they have to say more than what the person speaking to them has to say?

True listening is an essential skill that strengthens connection and understanding. It requires more than just hearing words. It demands an intentional effort to comprehend and engage with the speaker. The fact is that this essential skill, often neglected, can significantly improve our relationships, both personal and professional.

I consider myself a very good listener. Maybe it’s because I value listening so highly. I always try to really focus on what someone is saying to me, not only the words they speak but also what may be behind them. I also think that may be why people always seem to tell me their whole life stories. Even people I don’t know very well pour out their memoirs to me. Why? Simple. They found someone willing to listen.

The art of listening is critical not only in face-to-face conversations but also in written communications like texts and emails. This is vital today, where sadly we are texting and emailing more than we are communicating face-to-face. How many of you send a text or email to someone, maybe asking a few different questions or making several comments, and the person responds to only one? Did they not read (listen) everything that you wrote (saying)? Were they solely thinking of only what they wanted to type back and not truly focusing on your words and their meaning? Texts and emails require careful attention to content and context to understand the message, the intent, and the potential nuances being conveyed. Can you get all of that out of text or email? It’s harder, for sure, than being face-to-face with someone. Add to that, the way a text is worded or punctuated can be construed on the receiving end quite differently than the sender intended. Potentially problematic? You bet it can be. I could do a whole column on just that.

Poor listening can lead to a whole host of complications, including misunderstandings, missed information, and hurt feelings.

I want everyone reading this to think about the last two or three social interactions you had with a friend or colleague. Did you feel listened to? Were you being “talked over”? Were you exercising good listening?

Active listening is a crucial communication skill and significantly impacts various aspects of life, including academic success, workplace performance, and relationships.

The ability to listen well is indeed a skill that needs to be developed and practiced. Listening means paying attention and making a conscious effort to process what you hear. I believe it’s one of our most important skills and also one of the most overlooked.

The benefits of listening are immense, including stronger relationships, increased empathy and compassion, deeper connections, solid trust, and improved problem-solving, just to name a few.

We should all make the conscious choice to listen better. In a world where everyone seems to be talking, take a breath and remain quiet for a bit. Reflect on the havoc of constant chatter. Listening, even in those silences, becomes an act of patience and an expression of respect. Listening grants us the ability to understand, to connect deeply, and to respond thoughtfully.

But that’s just my two cents.