Happily Ever After

by Val Nusbaum Laws of Attraction Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and our minds and hearts are filled with thoughts of romance and love, right? Sure. In my continuing quest to make life easier for my faithful readers, I decided to go to an expert in the art of seduction and gather vital information to help you attract and keep the one you love. This is how the conversation played out: Me: “Tell me some things a man can do in order to attract a woman.” Randy: “Huh?” Me: “What manly qualities do women find attractive?” Randy: “High E. P.” Me: “Seriously? You think the first thing I noticed about you was your earnings potential?” (Note:  When Randy and I met, I was earning more than he was. I was NOT after his money.) Randy: “You can’t throw this stuff at me and expect me to have the correct answer.  I need time to think.” Me: “There is no correct answer. I just want to know what things you did to attract me.” Randy: “Drugged you?  Deception and trickery?  I still haven’t figured that one out.” Me: “Fine.  Tell me what it was about me that attracted you.” Randy: “Big (unprintable).” Me: “I give up. You’re right. I don’t know why I married you either.” Randy followed me into my office, still berating me for asking a question he was unprepared to answer. Then he rattled off a list of qualities that included cleanliness, good grooming, fashion style, intelligence, kindness, and a few other things. I sat looking at him as he rattled on, and he became more agitated that I wasn’t typing or writing down his pearls of wisdom.  He really came undone when I asked if a sense of humor was important to him, because he’d failed to mention that quality. He launched into an explanation of how it is impossible to rate one’s good qualities. Is a sense of humor more important than a sunny disposition? Do they go hand in hand? Does it matter if a man is fun to be around if he doesn’t bathe regularly? I started giggling at his frustration, which only increased his annoyance. Randy: “Okay, Missy. You tell me without any forethought what I can do to be more attractive to you.” Me: “A hot fudge sundae would be nice.” Randy: “How far away would I have to be holding the sundae in order for you to decide which of us you want more?” Me: “You’d have to hold it right in front of you before I’d notice you. It’s hot fudge, for Pete’s sake.” This is the way most of our conversations about love and attraction go, and this is why a sense of humor is high on my list of attractive qualities. Luckily for me, Randy is a funny man. I didn’t get very far in finding out the things that men and women can do to be more attractive to each other, but my expert did give me a list of things that one should never do on a date. I hope you find his advice helpful. I made him stop at ten items, but Randy could have kept going all night long based on his own experiences. My advice to you is simple: Be yourself, don’t take yourself too seriously, and be ready to laugh with your date. Never laugh at him or her. Wait until you get home to do that. Don’t wear anything too tight.  Be nice even if you don’t like him, and you know you’ll never see him again. You might meet his cousin someday, and the two of you may hit it off. Your wedding could get awkward. Trust me. Tell the truth whenever possible.  Lies are difficult to remember and harder to maintain. If you really like someone, introduce him or her to your family right away and get it over with. You’ll find out very quickly if the person you’re dating feels the same way about you. I guess when it comes right down to it, my hubby is correct in saying that no one really knows what attracts us to each other or why.  Randy and I don’t have a clue why we like each other. We just do. I’m sending a special thanks to Amy Messler for her kind words about my December column and for taking the time to write, and also to Loberta Staley for her continued support. Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you all get flowers and candy, or at the very least, a good laugh and a yummy hot fudge sundae