My Two Cents

by Michele Tester

The Wisdom Keepers

I recently watched two movies that I’ve seen several times over: Father of the Bride and The Pursuit of Happyness.

Reflecting on these two favorites of mine, it got me thinking about fathers and the significant role they play in a child’s life. Sometimes, there isn’t a father figure in the home, but instead male figures who are indispensable to the child—maybe an uncle, a coach, or a teacher—who step in to take on the role of a father, providing love, guidance, security, and support. Whether that strong-handed guidance comes from a father or from a father figure, the end result is the same: Fathers make vital contributions to their child’s cognitive development, emotional development, self-esteem, and future relationships.

My father passed away when I was just 24 years old, so I didn’t get to discover and experience the adult years with him. Yet, I recall my teen years, and I remember thinking my dad was so closed-minded; he just didn’t or couldn’t understand what I was going through or where I was coming from. My father was a man of few words. When he said something, it meant something. So, you’d better pay attention. I wish I had treasured that part of him more. But to be honest, I didn’t admire or even comprehend that quiet command he had. As a teen, I thought he was being an infallible authority figure, and he just didn’t “get it.” It wasn’t until I got much older that I realized something that had eluded me most of my young life: His quiet but strong guidance was momentous in shaping who I am today.

I was very close to my mother growing up, but I feel I never got the opportunity—or was too wrapped up in my own drama to take the time—to share that same bond with my father. Raising my own children and dealing with their teen years, every time one of them would do something that resonated with my teen self, I would look up to the heavens and whisper, Sorry, Dad, or Okay, I get it now.

The impact of fatherhood spans from before birth through adulthood. Research shows that active, involved fathers or father figures fundamentally shape a child’s development. An attentive, emotionally engaged father drastically improves a child’s cognitive, social, and emotional development.

That said, the role of fatherhood has changed over the years. The role of the “breadwinner” was heavily emphasized in the mid-20th century, with the father being the financial support for the family and the disciplinarian. However, the modern fatherhood role has transformed more into a balanced co-parenting style, with fathers expected to be emotionally available, to nurture their children, and to share household responsibilities.

While I feel like my mother was the seesaw—the nurturer, the shield, the organizer, and, in all honesty, the high-strung one—my father was the balance beam, providing stability, calm focus, and emotional grounding.

To this day, I take the lessons he taught me and the wisdom he passed on to me, and I try to implement them in everything I do to be the best person I can be. I think he would be proud. I sincerely hope so, anyway.

As June celebrates fathers of all “shapes and sizes,” I would like to remind them of how truly important they are in their children’s lives. They are, after all, the wisdom keepers.

That’s just my two cents.