“Helping Our Children Cope in Times of Trouble”
by Anita DiGregory
To say that I am not a media news person would be an understatement. My family and I actually avoid it like the plague. Being a communications media graduate, I guess that may seem to be a somewhat ironic fact. However, with its incessant negative spin and masked agenda, mainstream reporting has become the opposite of all I studied. These days, I tend to agree with Luke Bryan, “I believe if you just go by the nightly news, your faith in all mankind would be the first thing you lose.” With today’s technology and the internet, the media is nearly impossible to escape. When the news is tragic and devastating, as we sadly witnessed again with the most recent school shooting, acts of violence in school and heartbreaking loss of life way too young, it is incredibly hard for us, as adults, to get our bearings. How do we help our children cope with the news of tragedy and loss?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) via its website healthychildren.org (
Helping Your Child Cope, 2015), “a child’s reaction to a new situation varies greatly, depending on his or her developmental level, temperament, experience, skills, and the support that is provided by parents or caregivers. When children are exposed to circumstances that are beyond the usual scope of human experience…, they may have difficulty understanding and coping with the events and may develop a range of symptoms, including trauma symptoms, depression, anxiety, or, if deaths are involved, bereavement.” No matter their age, it may be hard for children to understand these events or to verbalize their feelings. It is quite normal for them to feel a wide range of emotions, including fear and sadness. Here are some ways to help your children cope with this trauma.
Get Involved
Speak with leaders at your children’s schools. Find out the school’s safety plans. Offer support and volunteer on different committees to help with safety.
Talk With Your Children
Regardless of their age and stage of development, you know your children best. Whether they have access to the internet or not, they have most likely heard from others about these recent events. Be proactive and ask them what they may have heard. Quietly listen to what they have to say. When they finish, address any misconceptions they may have. For example, younger children may hear about isolated events and think they are happening at their school. Don’t avoid their questions. Address their concerns honestly, but refrain from graphic details. Offer reassurance that you have contacted their school, and that the school is taking every safety precaution. Keep lines of communication open. Continue to “check-in” on how your kids are doing with regard to this for days, even weeks, after. Assure them that you are there for them, whenever they want to talk.
Limit Exposure to Media
According to an article published by the AAP in 2016 (
Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents), “today’s children are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones, and other electronic devices.” Media images can be especially disturbing and threatening to children.
They add, “Children today are growing up in an era of highly personalized media use experiences, so parents must develop personalized media use plans for their children that attend to each child’s age, health, temperament, and developmental stage. Research evidence shows that children and teenagers need adequate sleep, physical activity, and time away from media.” These basic needs are even more essential in times of stress.
Enable Your Children
When children are faced with stress, they may feel they have no control, which may result in even more feelings of anxiety. By helping your children to be proactive, you will be giving them back that sense of control. Help them start or attend a prayer group. Encourage their involvement in positive student leadership activities.
Watch for Signs of Excessive Fear or Anxiety
According to the scientific community, signs of stress in children can include trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating on school work, or changes in behavior or appetite. If these symptoms last for more than a week or two, consult your pediatrician.
Create a “Culture of Kindness”
According to the AAP (
Kindness: How a Simple Act Can Make a Big Difference, 2018), “Teaching and modeling kindness gives children a life skill they will take with them forever. In a world where media bombard us and our children with talk of dislike, impatience, and intolerance, teaching kindness to children is an important part of their healthy development—and their role in our communities. And the first lessons on this skill start at home.”
They recommend modeling kindheartedness by cultivating a “culture of kindness” in the home, where everyone is treated with fairness and respect. Get involved with groups and activities that promote kind acts, talk with your children about the importance of being kind to others, and offer concrete suggestions for ways to demonstrate kindness to others, whether it be sitting with them at lunch or simply smiling and saying, “Hello.”
They further state, “Now more than ever, learning to be kind to others is an important lesson and an ongoing process that should take place throughout your child’s life. Teaching children to be kind creates a supportive, positive environment, making children—and those around them—feel better about themselves and others.”
