Page 32 - September Banner 2017_Neat

Page 32 September 2017
Plumb Crazy
“I know you have a lot on your
plate right now, but you really need
to fix your toilet. It never shuts off
quite right,” I wrote in an email to
Randy last week. He was at work
and I had just attempted to get his
toilet to stop running yet again.
This problem had been going on for
months and as I pointed out in my
email, “I’m sure it’s not helping with
our outrageous water bills.”
Maybe I wrote the magic words,
but when we got up last Saturday
morning he announced that he was
going to fix the toilet first thing and
then he’d replace the faucet on his
sink. We’d bought a new faucet a
couple of weeks ago and he hadn’t
had time to work on it.
“Sounds good,” I said, “but if the
faucet is too much of a job, we can
call a plumber.” Those are fighting
words in our house and I knew it.
“Why would I call a plumber and
pay him hundreds of dollars for a job
that will take me twenty minutes?”
asked my hubby. I’ve been down this
road before, more than once, and
The Catoctin Banner Newspaper
by Valerie Nusbaum
I knew what was coming. To my
credit, I kept quiet and went along. and announced that he was a dope
At nine o’clock that morning,
Randy made a trip to ACE Hardware
to buy a toilet kit. I was cleaning
out a closet in my studio and
couldn’t hear what was happening
in his bathroom but the job seemed
to go well and in a little while, he
announced that he was finished.
“I’m glad that’s fixed,” I said.
“Oh, I just said I was finished.
Whether or not it’s fixed remains to
be seen,” was Randy’s reply.
Somewhere around 10:00 a.m.,
he crawled under his sink and started
cussing. I swear, I didn’t know there
were that many variations of one
word. Apparently the valves weren’t
going to come off in any way that
would be reusable, so Randy needed
another trip for parts. This time, he
decided to spread the wealth and he
visited Hobbs Hardware.
Randy asked if he could turn off
the water to the house before he left
because he needed to take a valve
with him in order to match it. I’d
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been planning to do some cleaning a colonoscopy. At one point, I
and scrubbing but without water, I
saw him take his phone into the
had to find something else to do so I bathroom, so I know that YouTube
wrapped some birthday gifts for my was involved.
upcoming lunch with my cousin and I walked on the treadmill and
Mom. did some work on the computer,
I heard Randy come home before I both of which are in my office.
saw him. He stomped into my office The office is right next to Randy’s
bathroom, so he was doing all his
and was sure he’d bought the wrong cursing and muttering under his
piece. I wanted to point out that breath. I avoided turning on the
he’d said he was taking a piece with television while I walked as I know
him to the store, but I let that one go. that Lifetime annoys him when he’s
He looked under the sink, unloaded already annoyed, and I didn’t dare
some more swear words and went put on a home improvement show
out the door again. at that point. Randy kept saying,
When he got back home, he “Really????” I’m pretty sure he was
informed me that Mr. Hobbs had talking to the pipes.
laughed at him. I told him that I felt I could see him referring to the
sure Mr. Hobbs laughs at a lot of the directions that came with the faucet.
men in town. His bathroom isn’t very big, so each
At noon, Randy asked me if I time he threw the papers they were
wanted him to stop for lunch. I still within easy reach. And, of
couldn’t cook anything without course, the directions were incorrect.
water and had no leftovers in the They always are, aren’t they?
fridge to warm up, plus he hadn’t At 1:00 p.m. he turned the water
given me time to wash the breakfast back on. Evidently, water isn’t
dishes and the sink was full, so I supposed to spray all over the inside
told him that we’d have to get some of the cabinet, so the water was
takeout salads for lunch but I could promptly turned off again. There
wait a while. I figured I’d give him was more straining and grunting,
time to finish the job. There was some words I hadn’t heard before,
so much grunting and groaning and at 1:30 I was called in to help
coming from the bathroom, it check the seating of the stopper.
almost sounded like the night before Success! Everything seemed to be
working properly and there were no
more leaks. The new faucet is very
stylish, too. Just to be on the safe
Serving Carroll Co.,
side though, Randy suggested that
Baltimore City & we not put the towels and toiletries
Emmitsburg for back inside the cabinet for a while.
over 30 Years! As we finally ate our salads,
Randy pointed out that he’d saved
us quite a few dollars. He’s right
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