Page 32 - December Banner 2018_Neat

Page 32 December 2018 The Catoctin Banner Newspaper www.TheCatoctinBanner.com Published by www.EPlusPromotes.com

A Christmas Tale

by Valerie Nusbaum

It was quiet inside the toy factory. very long time. The elf designer was no!” The boys were lying on top of Santa had never seen his elf
Oh, Santa insisted on calling the tentatively calling the new toy the the snow, prone and unconscious. staff so discouraged, so he asked
wood and glass facility a workshop, “Stink Bomber,” but he realized that Clearly, the spray from the drones if anyone had any ideas of how
but everyone knew it was a factory the name needed some tweaking. had been toxic and had caused the to make sure that good little boys
with assembly lines, conveyor belts, Apparently, the toy needed tweaking boys to pass out. Jolly screamed and girls around the world had a
and noisy machines that belched and as well because the odor was way for the medics and quickly and wonderful Christmas.
snorted and spit out toys. The elves too strong and offensive, and it was efficiently had all the boy elves Since Bernice was always
still did some of the work by hand, leaving some of the elves gagging transported to the medical facility. ready with a suggestion, she said,
but times had changed and heavy and running for cover. Luckily, Jingles had stayed inside “Children don’t need a lot of fancy
demand for product had meant that The girls sat inside where it was during the break. Jingles was the elf toys, Santa. What they want most
new ways of manufacturing needed warm, dry, and sweetly scented, and who had designed the drone. “I told is to connect with their parents.
to be implemented. Fewer and fewer cautiously nibbled and sipped. A you it wasn’t ready to be tested yet. Everyone is so busy these days.”
elves were applying for jobs that steady diet of cookies, candy canes, Now, what do we do?” cried Jingles. “That’s it!” yelled Jingles. “We’ll
didn’t pay cold, hard cash, so the and hot cocoa didn’t do wonders for The machines were ready to begin reconfigure the drone so that the
machines were building more and tiny elf hips and thighs. production on thirty million drones kids can watch their parents and
more of the toys. “I’d give almost anything for a that very day. “We’ll never have all they can listen and talk to each
It was early December. Snow was salad,” said Bernice. “I mean, it’s these orders ready by Christmas Eve other through microphones and
blanketing everything at the North lovely of Mrs. Claus to bake special without our full staff. Plus, I have to recorders!”
Pole, and the white flakes were still sugar-free cookies for me, but I need redesign the drone.” The elves rejoiced and worked all
falling hard and blowing around something healthier.” Bernice was Bernice piped up and said, “We day and night right up to December
outside. At least it was warm inside diabetic and all those carbs weren’t girls can help, you know. We can 24, Christmas Eve. They loaded
the factory and there was plenty of good for her. “Besides, these things do more than paint pretty doll faces Santa’s sleigh with the new drones,
food and drink. Poor Mrs. Claus taste like cardboard.” and sew plush animals.” and Santa left one at every house.
and her elf kitchen staff could barely The other girls rolled their eyes At that point, Santa strode into The kids didn’t know what to do
keep up with the baking. Hungry and ignored Bernice’s griping. It the room and announced that all with them, and the parents hated
factory-worker elves ate a LOT of seemed that Bernice was always of the sick elves would make full them. Jingles was sent back to the
cookies and drank a lot of cocoa, at unhappy about something. She’d recoveries, but they’d need plenty of kitchen staff. Bernice changed her
least the boys did. Thank goodness even changed her elf name. You see, rest and fluids for the next week or name to Noel and got a job at the
the elves had had the good sense whenever a new elf came to work so. “We’ll all have to work double North Pole Panera. Santa got rid
to unionize and strike until Santa at the factory, Mrs. Claus had the shifts to get the toys ready by of the machines and started paying
implemented a dental plan. All that task of assigning a new name, one Christmas Eve.” his elves in cash, and the elves went
sugar was ruining their teeth. which appropriately reflected the Jingles set about refining his back to making simple toys by hand.
Most of the boys were outside Christmas season. Some of the other drone design but it was no use. He Mrs. Claus started a side business
in the snow “testing” out a new girls were now called Merry, Holly, didn’t know how to fix it. He sat selling her cookies on Amazon.
remote-controlled flying contraption Ivy, Joy, and Carol, which were all down hard and put his little head in Randy and I hope your holidays
that promised to make life easier, very lovely, Christmas-y names. his hands. are wonderful!
while providing hours of mindless Bernice was given an elf name, too,
entertainment for children. The but she promptly changed it back Patronize the Advertisers in The Catoctin Banner!
drone-like device had a hidden to her old name, exclaiming that no The Catoctin Banner exists due to the advertising support of those featured in each issue.
camera so that parents could one wanted to be called “Ho.” And
monitor their children from their truthfully, Mrs. Claus did kind of
phones, but, more importantly, miss the mark with that one.
the new toy flew over a designated Jolly, the elf shop foreman (and
target and sprayed a stinky- also Holly’s twin brother), glanced
smelling vapor that lasted for a out the window and yelled, “Oh

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