Page 32 - March Banner 2018_Neat

Page 32 March 2018
Technology
by Valerie Nusbaum
This morning, I sat down at
the computer to start drafting
my column. It was very early and
my mind was fresh—as fresh as
it ever is, I mean. Thoughts were
swirling through my brain about
spring being just around the corner,
with robins heralding its coming
and gardeners preparing for their
planting season. I was thinking
about St. Patrick’s Day and all the
celebrations: the wearing of green,
corned beef, cabbage, and green
beer. I was planning to write an
appropriately seasonal column.
I then turned on the computer,
waited for it to boot up, and logged
on. My main system is several years
old, and it seems—like me—to get
slower and slower with age. I finally
got my page formatted and then my
computer locked me out. There was
a big red alert, telling me that I had
a virus and that I needed to call the
included phone number to find out
how to fix it. Sure. I’ll do that. And
I’ll buy some swamp land in Florida
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connection, so I said a bad word
and went back to work on my
column. At that point, I would have
cheerfully thrown the whole kit
and caboodle out the second floor
while I’m at it. These messages have window of my office, but I know
been coming to me a lot lately, and the cost of a new computer, and I
both Randy and I have done all we imagine I’ll have the same problems
can to clean up the computer, but with another set-up. Am I the
we’ve decided that it’s beyond our only one who finds dealing with
capabilities. We’re calling in the computers not as much fun as Bill
geeks. Professional ones. Gates tells us it should be?
In the meantime, though, there I’d do a lot more of my work on
was a column to be written, so my tablet or my phone if I could.
I logged out and shut down and Both of those devices work pretty
re-booted. I decided to check my well most of the time; however, I
e-mail before I started writing again. have poor eyesight and arthritis
The computer told me that I needed in my hands. It’s not easy for me
to switch users, but it waited to do to type on anything but a full-size
that until I had written a lengthy keyboard. I make an awful lot of
response to my cousin, Pat. I lost mistakes when I try to text, but I’m
the whole message and was too usually unaware of it since I can’t
frustrated to start over, so I sent read that small screen. Poor Randy
her a quick note and told her I’d is my go-to-guy whenever I have a
call her later. I’ve learned to save technological issue. I know I must
anything and everything that I write, drive him crazy. He’s a good sport
which takes even more time. Isn’t and he does what he can. Some
technology supposed to make our days I wish we had a fifth-grader
lives easier? Aren’t we supposed living with us. Kids and young
to be able to take care of things people seem to catch on quickly to
with just the touch of a button? all the new techno-gadgets. These
All of a sudden, I lost my internet days, I not only feel old, I feel
stupid, too.
How about all the self-checkouts
that have popped up in grocery
and other stores? I get hung up
with those, too. The other day, the
darned thing told me to move my
items from the bagging area. Then
it told me to put them back. Then
it told me to call an attendant. I
think it was just messing with me.
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You know there’s a room with a
monitor and a microphone, and
some guy is sitting in there toying
with us. Those self-checkouts are
supposed to help us get out of the
stores more quickly. Well, that’s
only because there’s just one open
checkout lane in the whole store
with a human attendant, and there
are fourteen people waiting in that
line. Fourteen techno-dummies like
me.
I won’t even write about the
automated telephone systems. If
I talk about that, I’ll only raise
my blood pressure and upset
myself. So many hours of my life
have been spent on hold, while I
press numbers to navigate those
systems—hours that I’ll never get
back.
Even our vehicles have
computers now. I get into Randy’s
truck and think I’m in the cockpit
of an airplane. There are so many
lights and buttons.
If you ask Randy for his
thoughts on technology, he’ll tell
you that he’s convinced that we’re
being watched at every turn, and
even in our own homes. You know
your voice-controlled devices are
always listening to you, don’t you?
Randy also believes that technology
is working toward eliminating more
and more jobs for us humans. He
tried explaining that to one of the
self-checkout attendants at the
grocery store, but she told him to
move his items from the bagging
area. Or maybe that was the
machine talking.